I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
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Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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