Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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