I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
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of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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