just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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