so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
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Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
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Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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