he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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