I'm lost and stupid without you.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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