We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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