Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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