I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize