I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
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4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
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I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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