Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
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