dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
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I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
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I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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