Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
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First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
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We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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