Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
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I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
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New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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