I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
there's paper in my vomit.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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