How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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