it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
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I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
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lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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