Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
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you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
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Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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