Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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