Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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