he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
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just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
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How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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