Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
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I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
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Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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