he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
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Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
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lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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