Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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