Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
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