I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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