She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
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Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
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I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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