JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
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PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
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you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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