he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
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