she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
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Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
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we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
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