Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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