I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
