So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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