I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize