note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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