Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
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Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
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You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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