So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize