just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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