I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I booty called her while she was in labor.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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