i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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