So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
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Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
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I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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