already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize