Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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