i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
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bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
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I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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