zippers are such a cool invention
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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