I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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