The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I am available for nakedness
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