i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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