bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
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I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
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I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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