I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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